Dog gone it!

I must be a glutton for punishment. Just when things were starting to get better and I was slowly getting back to my routine…I go and bring a new puppy into the house! Omg would somebody slap me! I must be outta my mind! Late nights up walking the puppy, early mornings up walking the puppy, aggravating my back with all the bending over! Cuts and scrapes all over my arms from her tiny needle teeth. Toys scattered all over the floor to trip over or step on. She is a little ball of energy. And she believes she is the queen of everything right now! Everything in the house is hers to knaw on and play with, including me! Her little needle sharp teeth are testing my blood platelets for sure! I’m afraid she is going to think her name is NO! or OUCH!

The whole house is in an upheaval right now. Puppy proofing the house, everything is up out of her reach sometimes mine too. We crawled around on our hands and knees looking for things she might get into. I hope the neighbors weren’t watching! Of course she still finds little bits and pieces that we missed, proudly marching over to me gumming up a small bit of paper or whatever. My other dogs literally roll their eyes when they see her coming. Giving me looks like, What have you done? And if you want, We could take care of her! Everything was so peaceful, why? Why have you brought this hairy piranha into our house? Nothing is safe! She has everyone riled up. She is a pointer and at seven weeks old she is pointing and stalking my little old dog, Oliver. He hates her and I really don’t blame him. She thinks its funny to sneak up on him, bite him on the butt, and run off like a lunatic! My other dog McKenzie is trying to tolerate her for my sake, I can tell. She’s all like, if you say so. They think she is a devil dog! I prefer calling her Tallula, and I love her.  She is full of shenanigans and mischief and I’m pretty sure thats why they made puppies so cute, so you can tolerate all their nonsense! I gotta go, she is eating the carpet right now!

You Are Here

You are here. Here I am. Some days I am still puzzled, how did I get here? Where am I headed? How did this happen? Still learning to take things day by day. I know, I know you’re thinking, just get over it and move on already! Believe me I am trying! I always seem to get ahead of myself. So I make all these plans and appointments and then I wonder why? What were you thinking? Oh thats right, you think you can do everything. Think again! Ha! I have been crazy busy the last few weeks. Just this week alone I drove to Georgia to pick up my new pup, which is upending the whole routine around here! I did the Mothers day things for friends and family, took the puppy to the vets, my own doctors appointment for blood work and XGeeva shot, had my cello lesson, took my big dog to the vets for some minor surgery, and had a root canal! I honestly hope the root canal was the last horrible thing that I have to put my body and mind through for awhile. Enough is enough! It actually wasn’t that bad and I am happy to get it over with. This tooth has been bothering me for awhile. When I was getting my chemo treatments and my platelets were so low my oncologist said a dentist wouldn’t touch me. So I guess, in some weird way, I am happy to be able to get it taken care of. In fact this little old tooth could have been making me feel not so super good.

Some days I just feel overwhelmed and worn out. But when I think back to what I have been through I am so excited at all I am able to do now. So I just have to slow down a little and let my body catch up to my mind. I know I am not as physically fit as I once was. It is coming back slowly but I find if I push myself too much I am not a happy camper! I was thinking about a personal trainer to whip my butt into shape? Hmm, no way! I’m not ready yet. Right now this new puppy is wearing my a** out! So I will just have to take it slow. Slower than I want? Yes. But as long as I’m moving forward I can’t complain. So I guess I will just have to make the best of my situation. You know, bloom where you’re planted! Maybe I will write more.

 

Puppy Power!

I brought home my new puppy last Saturday, she is so cool, I love her! She is a Wire Haired Pointing Griffon. She is seven and a half weeks old and I named her Tallulah Bleu. I have a feeling she is going to whip my butt into shape! She is already wearing me out, I think it’s a good thing. She keeps me busy thats for sure! It’s been a long time since I’ve had a baby in the house.  Puppy proofing and crate training. New routines and lots of walking! I do feel a little worn out and my back is sore from all the bending and picking her up. But it’s all good, Tallulah is giving me that gentle push to get out and play more! I needed that!

I used to have fun riding and working my horses. Right now my doctor says, “No riding. Wait a little longer for your bones to get stronger. “I can’t wait to get back in the saddle again. But I guess I need to give it a little more time. Got my XGeeva shot today, come on strong bones! My blood work looks great, the best it has since I got sick. My hair is getting longer and thicker every day. I actually have eyebrows and eyelashes now! When I look in the mirror I am starting to recognize this person! So I know I will be back to full strength soon. Tallulah is a hunting dog, not that I hunt, but she points and retrieves. So I am thinking, when she gets older, I might try doing field trials with her. She is already showing some skills at stalking her toys. Too cute!

Any kind of baby is a big commitment. And I am so happy to say I am ready for this one. I couldn’t have done it a few months ago but I am having fun with her and enjoying every minute! Well…maybe not the late night walks.

Anticipation

It is occurring to me that I spend a lot of time anticipating. Good news, bad news it really doesn’t seem to matter. I have been anticipating how my hair will look when it grows back. Anticipating the arrival of my new puppy. Anticipating the results of my next PET Scan. It is spring and I am anticipating new prospects and new adventures.  What will this next year bring? I am happy to still be here and looking forward to what ever is left. The good and the bad, this is life. Spring is a time for looking forward, not back!

Dont ignore your gifts. Take care of yourself and share your gifts with the world. This is my new mantra. Some of the things I would like to do this summer are number one, continue to heal and get better. Share my love of art with some children at a summer art camp that I am putting together. Help and encourage my friends and loved ones with their struggles/dreams. Have some deep thoughts and meaningful conversations. I hope I can get a little traveling in and enjoy my new puppy! In other words take the time to really appreciate all that I have.

I have some cool info to share with you about neuropathy. This is some weird side effect you can get with your chemo treatment. I have tingling, burning, and numbness (feels like when your foot falls asleep) in my thighs and my doctor said it could take up to a year to go away and if its not gone by then it may be permanent. Ok I can deal with it, it’s not the end of the world but annoying for sure!  I have started taking a homeopathic called Lycopodium and it seems to be working! I can stand longer with no burning. It’s not gone, but it is much better. Every little bit helps!

So I am looking forward, with anticipation, to the wonderful new adventures this summer may bring. Don’t worry, I will keep you posted. In the mean time, I’m sending good vibes to all the mothers out there, know you are loved! Stay strong!

Mothering, Smothering, Idk?

Well here it comes again, mothers day. A wonderful time to really think about and appreciate all the things that mothers do. Sometimes you don’t realize all the ways your mother has influenced your life. Sometimes you wish your mother was here for advice, for comfort, for those little things that mean so much, that only mothers can do. Sometimes your not that close with your mother or don’t even know who she is. I have heard that before we are born we choose our parents. I don’t know if that is true but I was very close with my mother. My mom was larger than life! She was a free spirit and chose to do things her own way. Cooky at times but I loved her! I am certain I got some of my wild craziness from her! My love of animals and nature, my love of cooking and baking, my love of adventure too. I am grateful to my mom for all these things. I do miss her.

Sometimes I wonder if I was a good mom, I tried. Children don’t come with instruction manuals, so we all just do the best we can. Actually that is all we can do. I thought I did a pretty good job. Sometimes, even in the hardest of times, they turn out wonderful and sometimes, despite our best efforts, they travel a rocky road. My daughter is all grown up and following her own path.

I may be outta my mind! But I am going to be a mommy again…a puppy mommy! I can pick her up in two weeks, she is so cute! I am so excited! WAIT! Before you judge me. Let me just say that every pet I have ever had has been a rescue, and I have loved them all. And when I worked at the Bleu Biscuit we worked with the Humane Society and I found forever homes for 100’s of dogs and cats! In fact the dog I have now, McKenzie, was from there and I love her so much I wanted to find one just like her! She happens to be a Wire Haired Pointing Griffon, hard to find. I even looked up rescues and couldn’t find one.  The only breeders I found were way up north like in Idaho or Kansas. So after a year of looking and waiting for a rescue, a breeder from Georgia contacted me with a new litter of pups! So I had to do it, right!? I must be cray cray! I am heading to Georgia in a couple of weeks to bring home my new baby. Wish me luck!

Balance

I wonder why balance is so hard to find? I am guessing its because just when you think you’ve found your balance and everything is moving along just swell, life comes along and decides to change everything up.  I am beginning to think life has a strange/dark sense of humor! I feel like we are jugglers just trying to keep everything going and life strolls in and gives you a good push, BOOM, you fall on your ass again! All you can do is pick up the pieces and try again. Sometimes we just start over where we left off and other times we start anew, a fresh start, a new beginning. I hope I can move forward with a new awareness.

Now that I am feeling a bit better I have soo many things I want to do! Can’t quiet get the hang of not over doing it. Feel like I am a caged animal and someone forgot to shut the gate! This week I have been cleaning and organizing closets and cabinets. I know, your thinking, ” Doesn’t she have something better to do? Of course! But I think this is kind of a spiritual thing, clearing the clutter, so I can move forward. And believe it or not I am actually enjoying it. I am finding things I no longer need or want and I am finding things I love and had forgotten.

When you have been laid up for awhile, everything seems wonderful. Just walking to the barn in the morning to feed the horses is a pleasure, I love to hear the contented sounds of them munching on their hay. The smell of just cut grass. Listening to the birds, watching the dogs rolling in the field. Eating raspberries right off the bush. Shopping for and preparing a wonderful meal, enjoying the people I am around. These things are seemingly insignificant little things, some people may even think bothersome chores, until there is a period of time that you can’t do them, and you realize how precious they are. So right now I am doing some spring cleaning and organizing. Trying to stay mindful, taking the time to enjoy what I am doing. Yes, some days I over do it and end up back on the couch but I think that is happening less and less! I can’t wait to get back to painting and creating, I have some really cool projects coming up. I am also gearing up for some more work/travel, next month we may be spending some time in Puerto Rico. I am looking forward to living my life to the fullest and enjoying every moment. Just trying to remember to not rush through life, to slow down and enjoy the journey. And maybe, just maybe, give Life a little chuckle now and then.

Hair it comes

Wow this stuff really does work! I have been using Wink on my eyelashes and eyebrows for 12 days. I have been applying it every night before I go to bed and every morning they look so much better. It’s so easy to apply you just twist the pen and oil comes up on the brush, you just brush it across your brows and the hairline of your lids. I haven’t had any issues with irritation or anything. My eyelashes seem to be coming in thicker than before and I don’t really think I need to pencil in my eyebrows anymore. They are still short but seem to be growing more as you are reading this! My eyelashes are about 2-3 millimeters and my brows are about 1-2 millimeters already, now remember I started with nothing. I love supporting a wonderful company like this. And I definitely recommend this stuff http://www.AmalieBeauty.com let me know what you think. Wink!

The days of not having to shave my legs is almost over. Yay! Just in time for summer, ugh.  It was a nice break. Now that I am on this estrogen blocker I may be having to shave my beard and mustache and chest as well, ya never know, I am Italian! The hair on my head is finally getting thicker and darker, I was beginning to think I would look like that albino cactus forever! It is still really, really short, I’d say about ½ an inch or so, but thats ok no more need for hats. I am feeling pretty brave! I am really interested what color it actually will come in as I’ve heard people say it can come back in a completely different color than you had before, I wonder if I can put in a request!

It is pretty crazy the way your body tries to heal itself if you just give it the chance and maybe a little support. I have learned to love my body in a whole new way.