Tomorrow I get the results of my latest PET Scan. I wonder if there will always be this worry? I don’t like worry. But sometimes its hard not to worry. I know it doesn’t do any good and I know I shouldn’t do it, but there it is, staring me in the face. Just going for the PET Scan reminds me that I have cancer, oh crap I forgot! Then the radiology guy innocently asks, “Are you anemic? You bled a little more then usual.” Oh no! Thats where this all started, dread! So then everything starts to ache more. I am feeling a bit more tired this week. I had a hangnail that bled a little too much, oh no! Am I going backwards? Is everything ok? This sucks!
Now I know this is irrational thinking. I know you need to be positive. I know the medication I’m on can cause muscle aches and bone pain. I know that it also gives me hot flashes and night sweats, so I have not been sleeping well. And the hangnail well…it is what it is! I hope that as time passes I will be less anxious about all this. It’s hard to trust your own body when you feel like it has let you down in the past. But I know I am getting better, and stronger every day. My blood work results have been improving each time. So I am just gonna look forward to better and better results. Maybe one day I will be normal…not a chance! Lol
Its crazy what the human mind can do. Sometimes its hard to control, like this silly puppy sitting at my feet chewing on my shoe. But with time and patience it will come around. Sometimes a nice long walk helps too!