Finding Passion

What is your passion? What is it that you know you just couldn’t live without? What is passion? Merriam-Webster says, passion is a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something. All my life I have been driven by passion. For a very long time it was working with and training horses, that was my life I was totally consumed, I literally lived and breathed horses! The sounds at the barn, the stomping hooves, the snorts and whinnies fill my soul. The smell of hay and freshly bedded stalls, liniments and leather are some of the greatest smells ever! Horses, I just can’t imagine my life without them. Ever.

Then I got involved in art and it quickly became another passion. Painting and creating every day. It just felt like something that I must do. If I’m not creating something I just don’t feel right. I love experimenting and trying new techniques. I think I live a creative life. Everything I do from cooking to gardening is creative on some level. Right now I have been enjoying a new, for me, creative outlet, music! Well I have always loved music. I actually work my horses to music. But lately I am learning to play the cello and just recently I am starting to play the drums and I am loving it! It remains to be seen if I will ever be any good at it but I sure am having fun learning!

Since I got sick I have had to put some of these things on hold. I was physically and mentally unable to do much of anything for a while. I felt kinda like a zombie. As I am recovering from my treatment my mind would get ahead of what I could physically do. I was a little worried that my life would never be the same. I worried that I would never be able to do these things that I loved. But I think my body is finally catching up now. My doctor really doesn’t want me riding because my bones are a bit fragile at the moment. But I’m not sure how much longer I can wait. My “horse fever” is calling me down to the barn! Every day the urge gets stronger to get back in the saddle again. I am also feeling a crazy creative pull. I have to get my life back, I have to get going!  I have so many paintings in my head!  I am feeling better every day. I have been working on getting my house organized and in order. I have been getting my puppy, Tallula, settled into the routine. I have been getting back into hiking and enjoying nature. This is kind of a spiritual getting ready. Getting ready to start again. After being laid up for a while, every day is special. I am just happy to be alive, walking in the rain, gazing at the moon, eating delicious food, enjoying good friends! I feel it coming back, my passion is knocking on the door and I’m afraid I can’t hold it back much longer! I have a painting in my bedroom with a horse on it titled Unbroken Spirit. I was a little worried for a while but my spirit or my passion will not be broken!

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