As much as I was in denial at the beginning of this adventure, and a small part of me still doesn’t want to believe it. I am finding that whenever I hear about someone else dealing with cancer I feel a weird connection like, “Yup, I can relate.” I guess I am now part of this tribe. This is a tribe of warriors for sure. Definitely not a tribe you choose to be in but somehow you deal, you have no choice. There are plenty of happy ever after stories, which I hope to be one, and too many not so happy endings. It is inevitable that when you have had cancer you kind of feel like a ticking time bomb. Some days I feel awesome and almost normal. Other days I feel achy and tired and worried that the cancer will come back. Not fun at all.
It feels amazingly good to be getting back to my routine. I am happy to be doing some spring cleaning and farm chores. The horses are looking great, I think they are finally shed out. This morning I got to eat the first peach of the year off my tree, juicy, sweet, delicious! I still cannot do everything I want to do but I am doing tons more than I could a few short months ago. I do worry. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to do all the things I want to do. I am noticing that I like to keep busy, it keeps me from getting stuck in my own head. I am still learning to listen to my body and if I feel like taking it easy one day, I am learning that it is ok. I had a very busy week last week and company all weekend, I loved it. This week I am taking it a little easier. Wow you don’t realize how hard that is for me, to not feel guilty or ashamed of not getting much done. You know I have like 8 months of down time to make up for! My mind is still in overdrive. I have to keep reminding myself of what I have been through. And all the healing my body is still doing. Not to mention all the hair…my body is putting lots of effort into growing all this hair back! lol I am Italian so you know what that means! Just have to learn to take it day by day.