“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls my life.” I saw this quote the other day, not sure where, not sure by who? But it spoke volumes to me. I collect quotes, they sometimes make me feel stronger, they help me know I am not alone with a feeling, sometimes when I look back on them they have lost their power for me. Life changes, it moves on, problems change, priorities change. What may have meant so much a few years ago may have lost some of its glitter and some new shiny thing has taken its place. I think it is life. I think it is human nature as we grow and get older. Our tastes may change. I guess we supposedly get wiser, not so sure about that one.? But we may have found fun new adventures to explore!
For the last few months my body has been fighting. Fighting this cancer, fighting this chemo, fighting all the damage and assaults that have been thrown at it! I am slowly healing from all the trauma, physical as well as mental, from this latest “adventure”. I do believe the mental aspect of cancer is as bad if not worse than the physical. The fear, the uncertainty, the confusion, it does take its toll. Not being able to plan anything, not even cleaning up the house, was taxing because I never knew what my body would be capable of doing on any given day. This is fast becoming a memory because I am able to do more and more all the time. I don’t want to forget where I have been, it helps me appreciate how far I have come.
I am healing. I am physically and mentally stronger every day. I have changed. Maybe it is because I have been through so much? Maybe it is because I have had to endure horrifying things I would have never dreamt of? Maybe it is because time seems more precious to me now? I no longer have time to put on a mask, to be a people pleaser, to do things that I really don’t want to do, to put up with people that don’t respect me, to eat food that I really don’t like. I have to finally…FINALLY do what pleases me! I deserve it, my mind, body and soul deserve it! Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. Healing means the damage no longer controls my life!