Worry

It is impossible not to worry when you have cancer. I don’t care what you say. Everyday you just have to hope and pray that it doesn’t come back or get worse. You worry about all the side effects of the treatments and if/when they are going to go away. I’m pretty sure there will never be a day that I won’t think about having cancer. It doesn’t help that when I look in the mirror I still look sick because my head still has fuzzy white chemo hair, my eyebrows are all but gone, and now I see that I have about two eyelashes left on my lower eyelids! I don’t think I am being vain, but I feel better, so I want to look better too!

I truly am feeling better but I worry, just a little, about every ache and pain that comes along. That is the problem when you can’t see whats going on inside you! No, I am not obsessed and it is not something that I think about constantly but, it is something that was not invited and has come to change my life, wether I want it to or not! I guess its up to me how I let it change me. I am not one to let it beat me down and make me pitiful and weak, yes I do have my moments!  I have always tried to make the best of what I have, I’m not gonna stop now! I have to look on the bright side, I will look fear and darkness right in the eye and I will not let it run my life! In some ways I feel empowered, I am getting stronger every day! I fought cancer, I’m not afraid of you!

Worrying won’t stop the bad stuff from happening it just stops you from enjoying the good. One way that this experience has changed me is, I realize much more clearly now that I don’t want to sweat the small stuff anymore. I want to enjoy life more, laugh more, love more. Sure life is not always perfect, there are always going to be ups and downs. But you have choices, you get to choose how you react to these things good and bad.

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