You’re Allowed

IMG_1818You’re allowed 5 emotional minutes a day and then you gotta be gangster.

I came across this on the internet one day and, at the time, it was definitely what I needed to hear. I absolutely love it! It gave me some strength on my weak days, on days when all I wanted to do was cry. I don’t know about you, but there were many days that crying was all I felt like doing. Especially in the beginning when I was just learning what I had, and I was afraid, mad, and confused, and I didn’t know what to expect. Doctors can tell you some of what to expect but if they have never had cancer or chemotherapy it is all just second hand knowledge. Also you must always keep in mind that everyone reacts differently to treatments and every bodies cancer is unique to them. So just because you see someone going through a particularly bad time doesn’t mean you will. These are things I didn’t realize in the beginning.

Be tough! Be gangster! I am way too stubborn to let something like cancer take me down! Get outta my way! I’ve got no time for this! I have way too much life to live. I found that as more people found out that I had the “Big C” I felt like I had to prove to them that I was doing well and I was going to be ok. In some strange way this made me feel stronger, maybe as I was convincing someone else and putting on a good face, I was convincing myself as well, which is alright with me! I think your mental state is half the battle, confusion and fear have no place here! Somehow, and I’m not really sure how, you wrap your head around what you have to do and you just deal with it, kick butt!

I am about 5 weeks out from my last chemotherapy treatment and I am feeling wonderful! I am feeling more and more like my old self. Every day gets easier and I have more energy and less aches and pains. My stamina is coming back and I do believe you will be stuck with me for quiet some time!  I will be better, stronger, and maybe a little more “gangster” than before, Watch out! Don’t write me off yet!

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