Honestly, I will be more then happy to leave all the sleepless nights, the puffy face, the nosebleeds, the dry skin, the hair loss, and mostly this weakness behind! But with the last dose of chemo comes some mixed emotions. This place that I have been reluctantly visiting every week for the last few months has been keeping an eye on me. Checking my vitals, checking my blood, watching out for me. Now I am gonna have to wing it alone, like a baby bird getting pushed out of the nest.
I am excited and full of anticipation. My doctor assures me, everything will be alright. One of the nurses gives me a little guardian angel pin and tells me not to worry, you will feel aches and pains as you are becoming more active don’t think that every little ache is your cancer coming back. With a grand flourish, I ring the bell and don’t want to look back. I think, according to my calculations, two weeks and I should be back to normal.
Not so much…two weeks come and go. I am trying to be normal, my mind says you can do this. My body says no. It is so frustrating and a bit scary, you start to wonder is this it? Is this as good as it gets? Some things are of course getting better. I have my Tuesdays back! There is no awful crash day, like Thursday. I go for my PET Scan, this is to see the progress and to figure out my future treatment plan according to how well my cancer responded to the chemotherapy. I am again excited hoping for the best. I want them to say we see no cancer! And also scared what if they say it didn’t work and you need more chemo. To add insult to injury the day before the test the lady calls and says don’t do too much relax the day before, what? I am just starting to get going again and now you want me to stop? And, by the way, you haven’t met your deductible yet and this test is going to cost you $3700. WHAT!? You have got to be kidding me, I pay almost $700. a month for insurance and I have to pay this? Unbelievable!