Have you ever had the feeling that things are moving at warp speed in slow motion? Thats the way I feel. All these things I am learning that I never wanted to learn! You are just never prepared for everything that life throws at you. Still partially in denial. Still kind of confused. My mind lags behind all the information I must take in, all these new unwanted experiences. But wait…I was supposed to be moving in the direction of my dreams with a shiny new future of happiness and bliss. I was finally at peace with my father. I finally had a tiny nest egg to invest in me! I was ready, no one was going to hold me back!
WHOA! Not so fast. Life has decided to put on the brakes!
December rolls in. I am getting more test results, good and bad I guess. What does it all mean? Still visiting the hospital getting poked weekly for platelet or blood transfusions, arms all bruised I look like a prize fighter that lost! My doctor cheerily says I will be getting three months of chemotherapy, I won’t need any radiation or surgery. I will also be getting injections to strengthen my bones. Of course all these things have side effects. Cant wait, sounds wonderful, like a mini vacation, yeah right!
In the hospital I was put on large amounts of steroids to basically prevent my body from killing itself. I feel better but I am puffing up like a blowfish! Face swollen, water weight. All the things I have struggled all my life to prevent! I start chemo. You sit in this room with everyone else all hooked up to IV’s with strange potions. I am amazed at all the people young old and everything in between. They start me off with a blood test to see if my levels (blood/platelet) are high enough to even receive chemo. Next I get a lovely cocktail in my IV of stuff to prevent reactions to the chemo drugs. Pretty scary when you have to take four drugs before you have the drug(Taxol) that is supposed to save your life!
Now all my friends know I don’t even take aspirin. The friends that know what is happening to me just figured I would do alternative treatments. They are sending me all kinds of information on apricot kernels, extreme diets, and coffee enemas. And I do believe in these things, I’m sure they are perfect for some people. I am a believer in prevention and taking care of yourself. But when you are diagnosed with something evil like stage four breast cancer that has spread to your bones, I think you need to hit it hard with some evil science.