So, here I am…I know I was not feeling well, but really??? How could this be? There has to be some mistake. I’m not that old. I take good care of myself. I try to eat right. I eat my fruits and veggies. I don’t eat fast food, I don’t drink soda. I have been accused of being a health nut. I don’t smoke, never did, or drink, except on rare occasion. I try to keep chemicals out of my house. I try to not even use the microwave! I use organic shampoos and soaps. I even use organic deodorant, with no aluminum. I avoid plastic containers, I drink filtered water. I take vitamins, I do cleanses, and detoxes. I exercise almost every day! Just a year ago I got a clean bill of health. I meditate, I do yoga, I am even a level one reiki practitioner! WTF! I am angry, I am exhausted, why me?
Sorry for the rant, but it just doesn’t seem fair. Believe me I know this is irrational thinking but when you hear the diagnosis of stage four breast cancer it just happens. You are all over the place with emotions! I grew up with a sick mom so this is why I take such good care of myself, to avoid the doctors and hospitals at all costs. I don’t trust them, it’s scary! I pity my doctor, we come to her armed with questions and suspicions. I had no lumps or bumps, how can this be? Are you sure? I don’t want to just be a cash cow for “the system”. She patiently explains and even though she was a bit puzzled in the beginning, because of course my symptoms were not typical, (I always prided myself on being different) after all the tests, it is conclusive. I did get a few other opinions but everyone seemed to agree.
So what does this mean? Am I dying? What next? Do I even want to know? To be continued